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Michael Chance can cleanly shave the vagina of a fully clothed woman with his mind.

Michael Chance has never raped anybody. You can't rape the willing.

Confucius pointed out that "The Michael Chance Band" is an anagram for "The bad man can leech chi," reflecting his belief that Michael Chance attained his godlike status by absorbing the mojo of ten generations of asian males, reducing them to pasty geeks who can't sleep with white women.

Michael Chance doesn't know where you live, but he knows where you will be the next time you orgasm.

Michael Chance can satisfy a woman by pointing at her with his finger and saying "Hi. I'm Michael Chance."

Michael chance is a lover not a fighter, but he's also a fighter, so don't get any ideas.

Michael Chance once dialed a wrong number, the person on the other end of the phone wouldn't admit it though.

Michael Chance's bear hugs are actually hugs that he gives to bears.

Michael Chance's personality is so magnetic, he cannot carry credit cards.

Michael Chance once punched a magician, that's right, you heard me.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Michael Chance played in second grade.

When tax season rolls around, Michael Chance just sends in a picture of himself with no shirt on, covered in baby oil. Michael Chance has never had to pay taxes...ever.

Michael Chance is 12 feet tall, weighs 2 tons, can breathe fire, eat a hammer whole, has six hands and could take a shotgun blast standing.

When babies are born they cry, not out of pain, but out of the realization that they've just been born into a world with Michael Chance.

Michael Chance can slam a revolving door.

America is not a democracy, it is a chancetatorship.

Micheal Chance's hand is the only hand that beats a royal flush.

Michael Chance is what Willis was talkin bout.

Michael Chance is the reason Waldo is hiding.

Apple pays Michael Chance 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

There is no Ctrl button on Michael Chance's computer, Michael Chance is always in control.

Michael chance once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish.

If you can see Michael Chance, then he can see you. If you can't see Michael Chance, then he's probably nailing your girlfriend.

Michael Chance's pheremones don't simply attract women, they also seek out and sterilize competing males.